Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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