Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
