hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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