Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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