Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
