and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
