Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
