well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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