I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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