Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
