stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
