my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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