Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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