I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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