Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
