you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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