Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
