Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
