Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
