Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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