i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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