O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
She told me I should be a condom model.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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