I am in a vortex of obligation.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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