drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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