when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
