she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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