We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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