apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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