dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
