someone get that fucking seahorse.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
