Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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