I accidentally burped into my bong.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
