I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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