would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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