Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
