Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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