you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
