Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
