Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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