I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
