someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
