another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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