now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
