I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
