i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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