I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
