first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
