dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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