Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
