You're so nebulous sometimes
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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