OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize