i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
