My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Randomize
