my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
My feet surprised me
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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