im so drunk with asians
where?
always
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
