you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
