its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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