That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
