As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
