I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
