i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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