So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
