She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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