Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize