We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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