Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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