matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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