i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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