i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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