The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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