allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
