He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
