U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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