I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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