Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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