I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
