Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
