Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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