I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
