i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
