I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
