You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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