we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
we're so committed to being not committed
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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