When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
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